


How well do you really know him?

by LionsHeart



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Angst, Conflict, M/M, Past Relationship(s), ZUDE - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-07-19 15:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7366636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionsHeart/pseuds/LionsHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I thought, what about Jude's backstory?! This is kind of my take on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so I apologize for mistakes.

He took a deep breath, leaned his head back against his seat and closet his eyes. Jude just needed a moment. One quiet moment. It was so busy these past few weeks, Lionel owning the Team meant nothing more than that he did most of the work because of Lionel’s recent moods.   
He hadn’t spoken to Zero all day because he had to leave early in the morning to prepare a meeting and he knew Zero was at practice. Jude had to go to his own car just to get five minutes to himself. It wasn’t that it was bothering him to have a lot to do. That’s what he did best after all and running this Team has always been his dream but he was just tired.

He opened his eyes, sighed and open the driver door of his Porsche. He got out, closet the door and locked his car when he heard steps behind him. „Jude! Jude, do you have a minute?“

It was Asha. Jude was happy that she couldn’t see his face because he rolled his eyes when he heard her voice. She had been bugging him all week about the budget for the Devil Girls. She tried talking Lionel out of the money already but of course Lionel gave her the same answer that Jude gave now about a million times, hell freaking no. It was something about wardrobe and probes and other stuff that Jude couldn’t care less about. He put on a fake friendly face and turned around. 

“Sure Asha. What do you need?”, he said with as much politeness as he was capable of. 

“I know you told me no about upping the budget for the next dance but I have been running the numbers and for our current plan to work out with the outfits and staging I think we still need 10% more. I cut down on everything that was unnecessary but that it the amount we need. We all want the half time shows to be top notch right? I’m asking you and Lionel to think about it just one last time. The people love the half time dances. Please Jude.”, she ended her monologue by looking at him with puppy eyes.  
There was no point in arguing right now. He told her his part of this discussion already and he did not have the nerves to push this any further right now. While slightly shaking his head he replied “Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to Lionel about it for one last time. But don’t get your hopes up you know how the money situation is right now. But stop asking me about it from this moment on yeah?!”

She had a grin on her face, winked at him and with a quick “Thanks. Really appreciate it.” She jogged back to the arena. He watched her crossing the street and passing people that greeted her. At the end of the day Jude was happy that this was only Asha. He wouldn’t be able to deal with Jelena about this stupid little dance team. He turned back to his car, put both hands against it and hung his head.

“Why can’t people have problems that don’t involve me?”, he said out loud to himself.  
“That sounds like the story of my life to me.” Jude winced. He didn’t see the woman standing behind him and he turned around as fast as he could. A tall slender woman was leaning against a car. She had long red hair and smiled at him. For a moment he thought he was hallucinating because she couldn’t be here, not her, but she leaned her head to the side and smiled even wider.

“Kayla?!”, he said surprised, “That’s not possible.”   
“You bet it’s possible handsome.”, she pushed herself off of the car that she was leaned against and took a few step forward so she was standing opposite to him. She was just a little bit smaller than him and he could see the playful look in her ocean blue eyes. What was she doing here. Here, in L.A. But maybe she lived here without him knowing all along. When he just kept staring at her she frowned and said “I know seeing your Ex again is weird but I thought that was a problem only regular people have and not us.”

Jude had to laugh at that. “I’m just…..shocked ‘cause we haven’t talked in…what? 3 years?! What are you doing here?”  
She flipped her hair over one shoulder held her head up like she was royalty. 

“Well I was in the neighbourhood. And doesn’t your favourite girl get a hug, huh?” The cheeky smile never left her lips. He laughed again. This was just the girl he remembered from college.  
“Of course she does.”, he replied and stretched his arms out to her. She leaned into his arms for a few seconds. When he broke the hug she let her fingers run over his upper arm.  
“You are even hotter than I remembered you too be and that says a lot, let me tell you.”  
“Is this also one of the things that normal people would consider weird? Taking compliments and hugging someone they haven’t seen in years?” She raised her eyebrows and said in the most innocent tone “Normal people are so closed minded. But you know what? I’m only giving compliments to get one back.” She took a step back and made a little pirouette before him.  
“So what do you think?”, she said with a wink.

Jude smiled and looked at her for a second as if he had to think about his answer. From what he could tell she looked as beautiful as she did years ago. Her skin tight dark blue dress definitely turned the heads of people walking by and her long hair fell over her shoulders with natural waves. She looked great.   
“Yeah you don’t look bad yourself.”, he finally said.

She glimpsed at him with a fake offended look but couldn’t keep herself from laughing.   
“Would you like to move this somewhere else? I’d just like to catch up a little bit while i’m around, besides I have read something really…”  
“I can guess what u read and yes i’d really like to move this conversation somewhere else.”  
“I’m not bothering you right? Not stealing you from anybody who really needs your help right now?”, she sounded honestly a little scared that she was bothering him.   
“No, no!”, he said quick. “If someone needs me they can call. We could go into the Playground, so if someone needs me i’m not far away?”  
“Whatever is good for you handsome. I’m the one stealing your time.”

He smiled pointed over to the arena to show her the way.

 

Zero’s pov

This practice session kicked his ass. Zero just closed the door of the locker room behind him. He was one of the last guys today to be done because Pete was mad with him for being late. He overslept. He was just a little too comfortable in his bed, well Jude’s bed (but because he had slept there for the last few months it was basically his bed as well). Just like he always said he was going home when he was going to Jude’s place. This relationship thing had it’s serious upsides. He leaned against a wall and pulled his phone out. Jude had to be somewhere around here and they hadn’t seen each other all day long.

He texted Jude four times and waited a few minutes. Usually Jude was always fast to reply, he had to be on his phone 24/7 these days. When he didn’t get an answer and he saw that Jude didn’t see his messages he called him. But no. Mr. Very Important didn’t answer his phone.

“Fine!”, Zero hissed through his teeth. He didn’t want to be this guy, running after his boyfriend like a love sick puppy but he really felt like talking to Jude right now and complaining to him about how much practice sucked and about how annoying “The Roman Emperor” was. Freaking idiot. Makes one important shot at a finale and thinks he rules the world. Only one option left than, he thought to himself.

A few minutes later he was knocking against the open door of Lionel office. She looked up and without a greeting she said sharp “Jude’s not here.”   
Zero looked around the office and said with as much snarl as he was able to put in his voice “Oh no kidding. Any idea where he might be?”   
Lionel closed her laptop and replied with just as much arrogance “No Sherlock. I have no idea where tall, dark and handsome is right now. I can only say that I hope he is doing something productive.” Zero bit his teeth together. The bitch had the guts to say she hoped Jude did something productive with his time. She had no idea how Jude was doing over the past weeks and how stressed and concerned he always looked when he got home.   
Lionel interrupted his internal rant by saying “Hey but I think he has do be somewhere around here. I think he is too thoughtful to leave without telling me or you. He would never let his boy toy be worried about him right.” Zero gave her a fake smile, reached out to grip the doorknob and he pulled the door shut as hard as he could.

Sometimes he didn’t get why Jude liked this woman. She didn’t appreciate the work he did for one bit and thought way too much of herself – but Jude was good handling people like that, Zero thought to himself. Otherwise Jude wouldn’t be able to date Zero. He walked around the arena looking for Jude another 15 minutes until he told himself, if he is not in the Playground he must have really gone home.

Zero walked into the Playground and took a look around. There where a lot of people here, of course, there was a game in two days here so sure people would be busy. He turned his attention to the bar and saw that former Devil Girl who organised his “Coming out Party”.   
“Hey, Raquel.”, he said friendly. She looked up “Hi, how can I help you?” He stopped himself for a second because he knew he would sound like a needy boyfriend but hey since when did he care what other people think.  
“I’m looking for Jude Kinkade, you know tall, hot, dark hair usually wears a suit.”  
“I know who your partner is. And yeah I have seen him he is right over there.”, she said and pointed to a table behind Zero. “Thanks.”

He turned around and walked in the direction she was pointing at. He saw Jude and his mood jumped a few levels up. A second later he stop walking towards him because he saw that Jude wasn’t alone. Opposite of Jude, who was wearing a black shirt with his sleeves rolled up and he was talking lively, was sitting a beautiful woman. She had her legs crossed and leaned her head on one arm that was propped up on the table. Zero didn’t know her, he was sure that he would have remembered a woman like that but he knew one thing. He knew that he didn’t like the look and smile she was giving Jude while listening to him talk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is still not my first language so I apologize for all mistakes.  
> And for all the people who want to say "I love jealous Zero"....this is not a story about him (for once).  
> It's about Jude. His story.  
> I hope you enjoy it a bit ;)

Zero's pov

He really didn't like that look. She was 100% focused on Jude and she was laughing full hearted about a remark he just made, but it was too loud in the crowded place for Zero to understand what Jude said. The woman looked at him so fascinated. Maybe that wasn't the thing that made Zero feel so weird, it was the fact that Jude seemed so familiar and comfortable with her.  


Zero was standing a few tables away from them only now realising that a few minutes had past and he must have looked unbelievably dumb, frozen in the middle of the Playground. Jesus, pull yourself together he told himself, it's probably just a business meeting and Jude is always the friendliest guy ever (at least he as good at pretending to be if he needs something). He rolled his shoulders and tried to look as smug and unbothered as possible. Zero walked up behind Jude, he noticed that the redhead ignored him until the moment that he put both hands on Jude's shoulders and said “Hi Boss!”

Jude jumped a little because he was clearly not expecting to be interrupted like that but Zero could feel that he relaxed immediately as he realised who it was. He turned his head and looked at Zero with a smirk and said “Hi stranger. I think I would have bet money on it that you went home already.”  
“Yeah I thought the same thing about you. Wasn't able to reach you at all, did you leave your phone in your car or something?” Jude looked shocked and quickly reached into the pocket of his pants to get a look at his phone.  
“Urg god damn it. It was on mute. I don't know how that happened. Now it's back on. I'm so sorry.”  
“Forget about it it's fine”, Zero grinned back at him while tightening his grip on Jude's shoulders.

Finally he looked up to the woman who was watching them with an expression that he couldn't quite place. Her eyes were flicking back and forth between Jude's smile and Zero's hands on his shoulders. Now Jude turned his attention to her as well, he cleared his throat.  
“Z this is Kayla. Kayla this is Zero my”   
“Boyfriend. Yeah with the way his hands were all over you in a second I kind of figured.”, she was definitely not talking to Zero and only turned her attention to him now when she reached a hand out for him to shake it. 

Zero took her and for a girl that thin her hand shake was pretty strong he had to give her that. She smiled at him but that smile didn't really reach her eyes. They were sapphire-blue and while watching Jude they had a soft expression but now that she was looking into Zero's eyes, they were ice cold. He saw that she looked him up and down and she seemed to be everything other than impressed.  
“Nice to meet you Kayla!”, Zero tried to sound as friendly and charming as he possibly could.   
“Yes nice to meet you too. I was just about to ask Jude about the two of you. In this city you just can't avoid the tabloids and I saw your little stunt from the opening game.”, her tone was extremely fake in Zero's opinion and her attention was back with Jude as fast as possible.  
One of Zero's hands was still on Jude's shoulder and like out of a reflex he gripped him stronger and tried to create as much physical contact between them as possible. 

“Yeah that was pretty much a surprise to everybody. Including me.”, Jude laughed and pushed a hand through his hair as if he was embarrassed by the memory. Kayla raised an eyebrow and asked “Oh really? Did he just kiss you out of nowhere? It wasn't planned? Where you two even a thing before that?”   
“Ahm it's a little complicated to be honest.”, Jude replied and curled his fingers around his drink, probably whiskey, Zero thought, Jude loved whiskey.  


“I always thought it was all planned out I mean there was probably no better way to promote the opening game of the Devils as THE event of the month and from an agents stand point probably no bigger way to get a player out of the closet right?”, she was still only talking to Jude but it was clear that she ran these possibilities through and she sounded pretty experienced.   
“Are you an agent too?”, Zero interrupted.  
Kayla looked at him and said “I'm co-owner of one of the biggest estate agency's in L.A. Let's just say the more expensive your house is the higher is the possibility that one of our agents has sold it to you.”  


She looked like a Lion, Zero thought. The way she was sitting so still and the way she was holding her head up high. The fact that her long red hair looked like a lion's mane didn't really help to disprove his point. This was not gonna be fun for him, he could feel it.  
With a cat like speed she threw her hair over her shoulder and stood up.   
“Okay wow I should have had a look at the time. Unbelievable how fast it goes when you are having fun. I will see you tomorrow handsome right?” Jude nodded and she winked at him.   
“Great. It was nice too meet you Zero.” Kayla leaned forward and kissed Jude on the cheek before walking away towards the exit of the Playground. Zero tried not to notice the fact that in her high heels she was just as tall as him.

Jude's pov

Now he could feel the hand on his shoulder moving away as Zero made a few steps around the table and took Kayla's place. His face was not giving him the friendliest impression. Jude grinned and shook his head. “Sorry about that. She is not good with strangers.” Zero did not look very convinced.  
“How do you know her? She looked a bit too comfortable around you to be honest.” Shit. He really didn't think this through. Jude did not know if he wanted to have this conversation right here in the middle of the crowded Playground but if he said nothing Zero would probably make a bigger deal out of it then it actually was. Alright fine.  
“We......we went to college together.” Zero's eyes became bigger and even more suspicious. “And what?” “What?”, Jude asked trying to hide the bit of tenseness that was building up inside his chest.

“Well that's not all, is it “handsome”?, the last word sounded very disgusted. Jude looked into Zero's eyes and he knew that lying about it would only make everything worse. Also why should he lie? Past was the past.   
“We, well we dated for about two years.” His boyfriend looked back at him like someone punched him in the guts. Wow, this is just peachy, Jude tried not to roll his eyes at the cold glance in Zero's eyes. “Aha.” 

That was all his partner could say. He had to look away so Jude turned his attention to his drink and drank the rest in one sip. This was new and he was not really sure what he was supposed to say. Zero had absolutely no right to be mad or something. If he had wanted to know more about Jude's past relationships he should have just asked him, it was not like Jude was hiding anything. That subject just never came up.  
He couldn't pretend any more that his empty glass was very interesting so he looked up. Zero was staring down at his hands and Jude could almost see the wheels inside his head turning, trying to think back to their conversations if maybe Jude had mentioned Kayla before. 

“Two years is not really a small time span.” Zero said to his hands. Jude probed up both arms on the table and leaned forward to be closer to him. “Yes but it isn't forever either.” He saw Zero nodding very slow.  
“Why did you break up?”  
“Zero!”  
“What??” “Do you really want to have this conversation here?” “I didn't ask you for her life story I only want to know why you two broke up.”

Jude leaned back in his chair. He actually had to thing about his answer. It were, as far as he remembered, several things that destroyed his relationship with Kayla. One of the biggest was probably the fact that being with a woman never satisfied him as much. It was fine but no matter how much he tried he was never able to be 100% with these relationships. Very slowly he replied “We just wanted different things. She asked me to take a step that I wasn't ready to take or that I felt like I would never be able to take with her.”  
Now his boyfriend finally seeked his eyes. 

“And what was that?”  
“It doesn't matter.”  
“Yes it kind of does.” Jude tapped his fingers against the table. He was getting a little annoyed by this conversation. “Fine. She wanted us to get married. Okay? There you have it. Happy?” Zero leaned his head to a side and grinned maliciously.  
“You? Married? To a chick? Yeah now I can imagine why you backed out of that.” Jude gave him a fake smile and he could see his partner relaxing a little bit. The strange accusing expression was finally gone and he seemed to be on the way back to his sarcastic self.

“So your ex beard thought it would be a great idea to visit you after the news brought her the message that she was never really your type. That's pretty tragic.”  
“Yeah very! No it turns out that she was here because Lionel wants to buy herself a new house.” Zero raised an eyebrow.  
“Why? Did her neighbourhood form a mob to throw the wicked witch out ?” Jude gave him a glance that made him shut up.  
“No it's just that she shared that house with Pete and now the divorce is done and she wants to get away from the bad memories or something like that.”   
“I think my explanation was much funnier.”  
“Of course you think that stupid. How could you not? How was practice?” 

Zero waved his hand as if to say 'Don't even get me started' Jude nodded and pulled out his wallet. He layed the money on the table and signaled the waiter to show that he payed.  
“Alright” he stood up “So i'm done here. Do you want to go home or what?”  
Zero smiled “Hell yeah I want to go home. But I'll drive god knows how many...” He was interrupted by the bussing sound of Jude's phone on table. They both looked at it.  
It was Kayla.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is still not my first language so I apologize for mistakes.  
> I really don't know when I'll continue but it was important to me to get to this point.  
> I hope some people still want to read it. So have fun ;)

Jude had answered the phone and he just couldn't talk himself out of the situation so he agreed that Kayla could come over later. Zero's face looked like he was ready to murder a village full of people when Jude told him. Jude asked if he wanted to cook something when they got home but Zero just said he had changed his mind and he would rather drive to his place. Alone. Great.  
Around ten Kayla came over and it wasn't very difficult to continue their conversation from earlier in the day even tho Jude couldn't really stop thinking about Zero. He just asked himself if this was going to get worse. He hated when they spend time apart or when they weren't able to talk to each other about everything.

A few hours later

“I remember you being way better at drinking than this.”, he said while taking the bottle of Bourbon out of her hands. They were shaking so much he was afraid she would drop it on the floor.  
“Oh I was a way better drinker than this. But then the world expected me to grow up and I became addicted to my job instead of alcohol. Urgh college was so much better.” Kayla reached over the table to get the bottle back but Jude stood up and put it back in a cupboard above his fridge. She threw her head back and leaned it against the back of her chair. He saw her close her eyes and rolled her head from one side to another. 

“The job you always wanted right?”, Jude said while he walked around the table to sit down again. “A lot of cash. You're your own boss and nobody talks back at you. Seems like your dream.” She didn't open her eyes and just made a disapproving noise. But he knew that that was exactly what she always wanted. She grew up with money, had parents that had her whole life planned out for her before she was even 8.  
That was probably why she loved to talk back so much. She loved attention and always thought she was right. It were pretty difficult characteristics to keep up with. Jude watched her for a moment and almost thought she was asleep but she groaned and sat back up again.  
“Hey what happened to the Marine you were dating mhm? What was his name again? Scott?” She looked very tired but still answered.   
“Seth.”, she said very slow. “His name was Seth and that didn't really work out for me.”

“Oh really? Why that?”, Jude asked trying to find out what really pushed her to get back at him. After all this time she decided to visit him again. It just didn't make any sense to him but he knew if he ask straight ahead he would never get a honest answer.   
She looked up and said “I broke up with him.” But he saw that she needed a second too long to reply so he looked at her with a crocked smile.  
She groaned again and let her arms fall dramatically on the table making one of the empty glasses fall over “Fine! He broke up with me okay!?” she barked. He couldn't help but be amused by her reaction.  
“What did you do?”  
“Who says that I did something?”   
“Well I just thought..” She waved her hands. “Yes yes I know exactly what you thought.” Her voice became more slurred the longer she talked.   
“The little annoying princess can't keep a man around right? Because I'm too arrogant or to annoying. I can just get them into bed for a few nights and then they go. They always go.” She leaned her chin on her hands on the table. 

Drunk and dramatic. Perfect. Exactly what he expected. “No Lion. That's not what I thought.” He tried to sound calm and not amused. Kayla let her hair fall over her face.  
“Yeah yeah I know. Just forget it.” She breathed out heavily and added “I'm so freaking tired and my head hurts already.”  
“Aww you poor thing. Who could have seen that coming?” Jude said sarcastically.  
“I would ask you if I should call you a cab but I know how much you hate that. Plus it's so late and I really wouldn't trust anybody to get you home in your current state. So I'm gonna skip that and ask do you want to stay here for the night?”  
“Did you really skip it tho? Yes sure I'd love to.” he heard her say softly. She turned her head to face him with a pleating look on her face.   
“But I don't have to sleep on the couch right?” Jude hung his head and smiled. Princess.  
“No you don't. Come on let's go.” He would clean up in the morning he thought and pushed himself up. She got up as well and made a weak attempt at walking but had to hold onto her chair to not fall over. 

“Oh Jesus.” Jude groaned under his breath. He walked over to her and curled one arm around her waist and pick her up. It was his luck she wasn't heavy. She put both arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. He could hear her breath go slow and steady. His bedroom was just a few doors down the hallway.  
“You smell just like I remember.” she whispered. Yeah, she was definitely out of her mind drunk, was all Jude could think. Like this he brought her into the dark bedroom and put her down on the bed releasing her grip around his shoulders with one hand.  
“Do you have to go?” she asked very quietly. “Please don't leave me alone here.”  
Yes. Yes I have to leave you alone here. That's the thing he wanted to say but even in his head it sounded very heartless, so without speaking a word he switched on one of the lamps besides the bed and sat straight up on Zero's side of the bed. He leaned his back against the head board and let her curl herself up like a little cat by his side.

“Better?” He asked without looking at her.   
“Yes. Can I ask you something?” Now he had to look at her.  
“Of course. What do you want to know?”   
“When you told me you loved me all those years ago.....did you ever mean it? Even once?” Jude froze. He watched her seeking the humour or sarcasm but it wasn't there. She really meant it, drunk or not. He cleared his throat.   
“When I told you that I loved you I meant it. But I don't think I meant it in the way you wanted me too. You were my best friend and I loved you.” Her big blue eyes tried to hold their eye contact for another moment but she had to look away so she buried her head in the pillow.  
“Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, than you can start to make it better.”, she said the lyrics more than she sang it but she kept humming the melody until she was finally asleep. Jude wanted to stand up but one of Kayla's hands was holding the edge off his sweater so he didn't move because he couldn't bring himself to wake her up.

It must have been about 30 minutes later when Jude heard someone opening the door of his house. It was 1:45 am and he could hear the keys jingle when Zero put them in a glass bowl in the hallway next to the door. A few seconds later he walked quietly into the bedroom for sure expecting Jude to be asleep. He stopped in the door-frame when he saw Jude who was still sitting straight up in the bed. Zero leaned against the frame crossing his arms and let his eyes move over the scene he saw in front of him. That went on for a few seconds until he walked out the room again.  
Oh great, Jude thought. Now he is mad at me because she was still here. But Zero proved him wrong. A minute later he came back carrying a chair and he put it down next to where Jude was sitting on the bed. 

Without saying a word he sat down and put his naked feet up on the bed, crossing his legs. Jude starred at him, tired but happy. Zero looked back at him grinning.  
“Hey.” Jude whispered.  
“Hi.”  
“You changed your mind?” Zero nodded and reached his hand out to grab Jude's which was lying on the bed.   
“Thank you.” That was all Jude was able to say.  
“Of course. Hey it's not your fault that she is so annoying.” Jude had to chuckle. Only now he realised how tired he really was. He leaned his head completely to the side so he was looking at his boyfriend   
“I'm very happy you are here.” Zero smiled slightly and said “I sure hope you are.”

The next morning

The pain in his neck woke him up more than the sunlight that was falling through the curtains did. He had no idea how he fell asleep like this but he must have been to tired and buzzed at the end of the night. Letting out a long painful groan he leaned forward and rubbed his hands against his eyes. His back felt like someone drove over it with a bus. Finally he opened his eyes and looked around. Zero was still sitting on the chair now deep asleep, his head on the side and one hand, probably because it was holding Jude's when they fell asleep, lying on the bed. 

Kayla wasn't anywhere to be seen and because the house was extremely quiet Jude came to the conclusion that she must have left. And he got the confirmation when he pushed himself out of the bed and walked to the door that was leading into the hallway.  
A post-it was pinned to it saying “Sorry about yesterday. It was a dumb idea I shouldn't have bothered you for so long. - K PS: Blondie's disgusting training shoes got dirt on my 700 dollars high heels. I'm gonna send him a bill for that”  
Yeah. That sounded about right. Jude jumped in the shower and after a few minutes he heard Zero saying very loudly “Hey, morning. I'm gonna head over to the arena already I wanted to take a run before practice and I don't want the coach to be mad at me again for missing out okay?” 

Zero's pov

This was definitely a better day than yesterday. The run before practice loosened him up a little bit considering the uncomfortable position he slept in but was feeling pretty good after practice as well. Especially because he thought of something yesterday and he had it already planned out in his head he was just not sure how he was supposed to pull it off. A loud laugh pulled him out of his thoughts as he was walking down the hall towards the front entrance of the arena. What he saw did not really help his mood but it gave him an idea for his plan.

Lionel and Kayla were, from what he was able to tell, just finishing a conversation with Lionel saying something like “I will get back to you and we are gonna set an appointment.” Then they shook hands and walked in different direction. Kayla was walking towards the glass doors, just like Zero. He walked quicker and almost jogged calling after her “Kayla? Do you have a minute.”  
She turned around slowly. She couldn't hide her face behind her hair this time because it was pulled up to a high ponytail. As she looked at him she was wearing again that fake smile she had when they first met. “Zero. So nice to see you.” 

Yeah right. Jude is not here you don't have to pretend to like me, was all Zero could think.  
“Uh listen Kayla.” he folded his hands and tried to find the right words. He didn't really want to do this but he figured it was the easiest way to get what he needed.  
“Okay so Jude's birthday is next week and I thought I could plan something for him. Nothing big just maybe a dinner or something with the people he would like to have around.” She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.   
“How can I help you with that?” 

“You know him longer than I do and I wouldn't know how to get a hold of her myself so I thought you could help me, I wanted to invite Jude's mother.” He did not expect the reaction he got. He expected her to be even more arrogant and ask for her profit out of this or maybe that she said something like “Fine. But only because it's for Jude.”

That didn't happen. Kayla's entire graceful posture fell and she started laughing. Really laughing like Zero made the most hilarious remark. She held on hand to her chest, the other one to her mouth to stop herself.   
“That was a good one!” She giggled.  
“No really.” She added as she saw Zero's shocked face.  
“Inviting Jude's mother that was hilarious.” It took her a minute to register Zero again. And that made her stop laughing and her attitude changed again faster than lightning.

“Oh.” She raised her eyebrows and put on a very malicious smile.  
“You were serious?! Wow, that is just unbelievable.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting ugly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you have fun with this ;)  
> I apopolize for any mistakes that I might have missed.

He was in shock for a second. Her reaction just completely came out of nowhere for him. But Kayla didn't stay to explain him what she was talking about. She just grinned, turned around and walked out the glass doors of the arena towards the parking-lot.  
As Zero saw her walking away further he pulled himself out of his shock and ran after her.

“Hey. What do you mean that is unbelievable?” They were the only people in the parking-lot and she didn't turn around. She just waved her hand over her shoulder.  
“Bye Blondie. I don't have the time or nerves for this right now. Why don't you ask your boyfriend?”  
“Why should I? Don't treat me like an idiot. You think my idea is ridiculous? Explain to me why?” At that she stopped and turned around to him. Her look was nothing but condescending, she straightened herself up to her full height and put both hands on her hips. It was like she was really to attack any second.

“Alright.” She raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Do you really think inviting Jude's mother to his birthday would be a good idea?”  
“Yes. Why shouldn't it be? It's not like she is dead or anything. Jude is a family guy, I bet he would love it.” Kayla made a incredulous sound and shook her head. With a slow motion she brushed her hand over her skin tight black dress, straightening out the wrinkles. She looked down, clearly biting down another laugh.  
“SO? What?” Zero was getting really impatient. This situation was getting even dumber than her already thought.

“Do you know anything about him?”  
“What is that supposed to mean? Of course I know something about him. We are in a relationship.”  
“Yeah. Right” She shook her head again and laughed. Zero was starting to get really pissed of at her.  
“Alright. You think he would love to have his mother at his birthday. Seems like there is a pretty big part of his life that you have absolutely no idea about.” She paused and looked him up and down, waiting for a reaction but Zero planned to stay quiet. He would not buy into her spiel.

“You want to invite the woman that send her son to boarding school when he was 7?”  
“Wait what?” Zero broke his rule faster than he thought he would. She had all the power. Every bit of information that she was holding gave her more and more grasp on this conversation. He could see in her face that that was exactly what she wanted.  
“Oh he didn't tell you?” The fake pity in her voice send a new wave of anger through his body.  
“Well that is really sad. I thought when you are dating somebody you would know these things. I thought you would know that your boyfriend wasn't raised by his mother. That he was basically only raised by teachers. That his mother visited him only one time ever two month, on a good year. I thought you would know that she viewed her son more as an accessory than someone she should love and take care of. I thought a good boyfriend would know that he went straight from boarding school to college and that he never really felt like he had a home.A place that made him feel safe, where there would be people that love him. I thought a good partner would know that his boyfriend always tried to catch his dreams but every single time he took himself back to make things for others possible instead of him.”

Zero was speechless. Each of her words made his heart sink deeper. Kayla wasn't smiling anymore. She looked more mad than anything else and Zero was glad that they were the only people around. He opened his mouth to reply something but he was cut of.  
“Do you know anything about him?” She repeated.

“I didn't know that part but I do know him. I know who he is!” He couldn't hide the anger.  
“Do you really? Because I'm starting to think you have absolutely no idea who he is.” She moved forward so they were only a few steps away from each other.  
“I'm starting to think that you were never even close to knowing who he is. He is a family man? Sure because he always wished to have one. Do you have any idea how lonely he was? Do you have any idea how hard life was for him? Did you ever even bother to ask?”  
“I think if there was anything he wanted to talk about he would have!” Zero barked back at her. He was not going to let her talk him down like this.  
“You know nothing about me or our relationship. Stop acting like you do!” He added. 

“I think I know enough. Enough about you to know how much you don't give a shit. Where did he grow up? Who was his best friend? Did he always want to be an agent? How was his time in college? What's his biggest dream? What's his favourite drink? What's his favourite colour?” She pushed a loose strain of her hair out of her face and looked to the sky as if she just couldn't believe it.  
“Bourbon.” Zero said quietly. “His favourite drink is Bourbon.”  
She turned her head to look at him. He could swear that those blue eyes burned into people's souls when she wanted to. A short high laugh escaped her lips.  
“This is just pathetic. So god damn pathetic.”

“He would have talked about all those thinks with me if he wanted to! If there was anything, ANYTHING he wanted to talk about he knows exactly that he can do that with me alright?!”  
“But that is not Jude! He doesn't put his own problems first you idiot. From what I have heard you have enough shit on your own plat to keep him occupied. You know why you don't know any of these things? Because you don't care! Your problems are more important than his aren't they?”  
“No they aren't! Stop talking about stuff that is none of your business!” He just couldn't believe this. This woman was standing here, talking to him as if she had inside into everything that was going on.  
“Than why didn't you ask?” She really yelled now. She raised a hand and pointed a finger at him.  
“If you really care why didn't you ask? Why didn't you give more of a shit to ask how he was doing?” Zero didn't move one inch even though he became actually a little scared of her now.  
“I don't know alright? It just never came up!”  
“Bullshit!” She turned away rubbing one hand over her face. He could hear her take a deep breath and than turn around to him again.

“What did you think exactly?” She started. “What did you think when you started screwing around with him? Hot little rich boy. Was that it? I bet you thought he never went through a bad day in his life. Sure grew up with money, well educated, bright, hot, kind. Must have had a perfect upbringing.”  
“That's not what I thought. I know how messed up his father is. I know how hard it was him to stop playing that side and looking for that acceptance.”  
“Oh great.” She clapped her hands very sarcasticly and spoke up like she was talking to a four year old. “That's a good start blondie. Maybe you are not that useless after all.”  
He mad a step forward aggressively. She didn't even flinch and raised her eyebrows.

“What are gonna do huh? Hit a woman? I heard about your anger issues too. Do you think that is attractive? “  
“Listen up okay? Jude wants to be with me. He choose me. I'm not holding him back or anything. He is a grown man and he is able to make his own decisions. If there is anything he wants to talk about with me, he can. “  
“Or maybe he just doesn't trust you.” Kayla snapped back.  
“I just can't believe that he fell for someone like you. He seems to have seen your pretty little face and was willing to forget the shitty rest. You are broken. He doesn't need somebody like that. I just can't believe my Jude could be that easy, I mean you can't possibly suck dick that good for him to become that stupid. Maybe he knows that everything always has to revolve around you or otherwise you will go and find a brainless airhead who is willing to do that exact thing for you. Make it all about you.”  
Zero shook his head. He was trying to not let anything she was throwing get to him but he could feel that it did. In his mind there where a million things spinning around the things she just said. Kayla wasn't waiting for him to pull himself out of his own thoughts.

“I sure hope that you will never let your anger out at him. I know that he could put up a hell of a fight but I just hope it's never necessary. Because if you ever hurt him I swear I will find a way to end your pathetic little existence.” As she said that he looked up.  
“I love him.”  
“I don't give a shit. I don't trust you. He deserve someone better. He deserve somebody that fucking cares about his problems. Somebody that fights for him.”

And you think you are that person, Zero thought. He would have loved to throw this at her but she was faster than him. With a last degrading look she turned around and her long ponytail almost hit him in the face. She walked a few feet away but looked over her shoulder again.  
“Hey and by the way, if you are still looking for something for his birthday.....Your boyfriend wants to top more. So interesting what people tell you when they trust you, really trust you. Or he just thought that your ego was to fragile to ever handle that. You know just a thought. Just if you want to give him something that he really wants.” 

She winked at him and made her way towards her car.  
Zero wasn't able to move. He could just watch her drive away.


	5. Chapter 5

Jude just came out of the shower. It was way too late when he finally got home, around 10pm and he was very surprised that Zero hadn't been there. So he jumped in the shower expecting Zero to be there when he was done but he was wrong. His house was still empty.  
When he was dressed he picked up his phone from the counter in the kitchen where he put it when he came in earlier. Nothing. No messages, no calls, nothing.

Fine, this is weird. He dialed Zero's number but his boyfriend didn't answer. After the fifth time he was getting really frustrated and send a punch of messages. Jude sat down on a chair in his livingroom turned on the TV but he really couldn't get himself to pay any attention to the game he was watching. What the hell is wrong with him? What is it now?  
He looked again at his phone and saw that Zero had seen his messages. He sent another one.  
“Hey what's wrong? You saw my messages. What is the problem?”  
After a few minutes he finally got an answer. “Ask your ex.”

About 30 minutes later he parked his car in front of Kayla's house. He didn't waste anytime to call and tell her that he was coming over so Jude just walked up to the door and ringed the bell obnoxiously often. He could see a light in the hall way being turned on and a second later she opened the door.  
She was just wearing shorts and a top and she didn't wear any make-up so Jude saw that she didn't expect any company tonight. Great, he thought, she'll need that time to explain to me what she did.  
Barefoot she was about a head shorter than him so she looked up at him innocently. 

Jude didn't say a word. He raised his eyebrows and she rolled her eyes and let him in. He took his jacket of, put it on the dresser and waited for her to show him the way. Kayla knew why he was here that was pretty obvious. With a frustrated groan she lead Jude down the hallway and into her living room. Jude sat down on the couch and after she turned to music of that was playing in her kitchen she sat down next to him. But with a safe distance from whatever his reaction might be.  
Jude just looked at her, still not saying a word.

„So. Did he cry?“  
Jude looked at her without showing any kind of reaction to her words. She first looked amused but as the seconds went by her expression turned towards defensive. She crossed her arms and was biting on her lower lips.  
“Why did you do that?” Jude asked very calmly.  
“Why did I do what?”  
“What ever you have done to piss him off. Whatever you have said. I don't know what it was and I don't really think it matters but I want to know why.”

She looked up at him and he saw that she was being uncomfortable in her skin. But when she responded it was still clear, without a bit of remorse.  
“Because I can.” He didn't want to give her an answer. The only thing he did was sitting there with her and looking at her eyes who were seeking his reaction. After another few seconds she mad a frustrated groan.  
“Do you want to say something? Don't you want to yell at me? Ask me what I have said to make your little boy toy angry?” She said very fast and then more quietly “Please. Jude. Please say something. Come on yell at me, I have thick skin I can take it. Please.”  
“But I don't want to yell at you.” Jude sighed. He really didn't want to. There was absolutely no point in that. He knew her far too well to freak out or get really mad about this. She said what she wanted and it was for the most part stuff that people didn't agree with.  
In her own way Kayla had always found her way of getting the exact reaction from people that she wanted to get. People were always like open books to her and shame was really not a feeling he had ever seen her express. Getting into people's business and knowing how to push their button's was one of the strongest qualities she had. With that in mind he repeated very slow “Why did you do that?”

“I care about you.” She didn't look at him. She distracted herself by braiding a strain of her long red hair.  
“I know that you care about me. What did you say to him?”  
“You know I would really prefer you yelling at me or giving me a good hard slap to get the frustration out of the way. This cold, calm tone is making me feel sick.”  
“Answer my question Kayla.” He said, ignoring her response.  
“Fine. I asked your Barbie a few questions. Questions about you. He didn't have the answers to them so I guess his ego can't handle being scratched at. Zero – 'the no criticism zone'.” 

In the way she talked it was obvious that she wanted to sound condescending but to Jude she sounded a bit to nervous for that. And while she was talking she combed with her hands through her hair which didn't really help.  
Jude closed his eyes and rolled his shoulders, trying to relax and get his mind clear. The way she said it sounded pretty diplomatic so with her usual standards it must have been a lot worse than she was willing to admit.  
“He started it alright?! He said a stupid ass thing and I just cleared some stuff up to prevent him to completely ruining everything.” It sounded still very fast, as if she couldn't wait to get the words out. Jude opened his eyes again.  
“And how was it really?” He raised his eyebrows. She was biting on her lower lip again. So there was definitely more to it. “What 'stupid' thing did he say huh?”

“He wanted to invite your mom to your birthday. I told him it was a dumb thing to do.” Jude was a little taken back by that answer. He guessed Zero had asked Kayla about completely other stuff or told her that he never wanted her to stay at Jude's place again or something like that.  
“So...he wanted to do something somewhat thoughtful for me and you thought, why not give him a reading on how that was dumb.”  
“Yeah that was kind of the point I was getting at.” She said very sarcasticly. “I wanted to talk him down and not, I don't know, save you from having to talk to your mother and pointing out to the person you're sleeping with that knowing your favourite sex position doesn't equal actually knowing you. I just told him that it takes more than that.”  
“You think he doesn't know me?”  
“Well he couldn't answer the most basic stuff about your life so hell yeah I think that.”  
“Jesus Kayla.” Jude pushed a hand through his hair and tried to stay just as rational as he had planed. 

“I need a drink.” She got up and wanted to go into the kitchen but Jude caught her wrist with his right hand. She turned around and looked down on him. Jude just motioned with his head towards to the couch to tell her to sit back down. Without a word she sat back down, pulled her legs up, crossed them and leaned her head on her knees.  
She looked 10 years younger than she actually was. Jude followed the way her eye flicked between her own hands and himself before she let her hair fall over her face.  
“Kayla I'm not gonna let you be the victim here.” Jude said softly. He reached out and pulled at a few strains of her hair. She answered but the sounds were muffled so he couldn't understand a word.  
“What was that?” He said almost amused. She let her head fall back and groaned loudly.

“There is no victim in this situation.” She responded annoyed.  
“Then just tell me what you said.” Kayla rolled her eyes.  
“I told you that already. I have a question too. Why doesn't he know anything about you? It's not like you are a closed up person or like you keeping major secrets from the people you care about. So why doesn't he know?”  
“I don't really know. I just didn't want to talk about this whole stuff. And he never asked so I just thought he cares about the future more than the past.” Jude said.  
He really didn't know. He himself knew quite a bit about Zero because it was important to him. That's just the way it was, he wanted to know the real person, the guy he became friends with and not the person Zero pushed to the for front for the press. I never really thought about it, Jude said to himself. They were so caught up with Zero's problems and with the whole ownership deal for the Devils that those had basically become his and Zero's talking points. 

“It's none of your business anyway.” He sounded very defensive and he saw that she picked up on that right away.  
“He should have. He should have asked. He should have cared. You told me that you know quite a bit about his life and his past so why is he allowed to just not give a shit?”  
“You don't know him the way I do. It's not that easy for him.”  
“Easy? Getting to know the person you love is the easiest thing in the world Jude. The only thing you have to do for that is being a caring human being.” She sat straight up and stared into his eyes.  
Jude knew she had a point. She wasn't wrong and he hated himself a bit for letting her score this one in their conversation.  
He didn't want to be unfair to Zero but what she said clicked with him in a way.  
“He does care.” He said that more to himself than anybody else. “He risked a lot for me by coming out. Kayla I know it's difficult to understand and I know it doesn't look like that from your perspective but he does care.”

“Let's see that coming out part from a business stand point shall we? Did he really risk THAT much? He is not the first athlete to come out and surely not the most famous one. And his career was a fucking hell hole before any of that bi stuff hit the news. Like the hooker stuff? Man did he screw up, literally. And his “bad boy” image could have been hurt because he digs dude's? Babe, we live in L.A.! Besides if his career did tank with this it's not like he doesn't have the money to keep food on his table right?”  
“I think you make that all sound way too easy. You don't look at the bigger picture.”  
“Yeah that's because I don't care about what happens to him. What I care about is you! You. Your future. Your happiness and I'm not gonna let you just spend that with a little bleached blonde blow up doll who just cares about his own stuff and is not willing to be there for you the way you deserve it.”

“How many times do I have to say he is not as bad as you think he is for you to believe me?” Jude asked lowly getting frustrated by his friend.  
“How about a billion times?”  
There was a very long silent moment between them. It felt to Jude like an hour. They were just staring at each other, knowing that somebody had to give in eventually but both having to much pride to actually do anything. Finally Kayla looked away. She was bossy but could admit to things she screwed up, at least to Jude. 

“Stop looking at me like that! It's killing me.” Jude did turn away. He looked around the living room and his eyes caught on to the door. She made her point. It wasn't as bad as he expected from Zero's reaction. I really have to go home, he thought to himself. It was again like Kayla could read his thoughts, just by following his look.  
“Don't let me stop you from leaving. I sure don't want blondie to think I'm holding you hostage or anything.”  
“But I can't go. We haven't solved the problem yet, have we?”  
“Yeah I don't we are gonna get there. Please go.” She motioned with her hand towards the door.

“Go. Go back to your boy toy and tell him, that he has done nothing wrong. Just go and tell him that he is a perfect precious little thing and that there is absolutely nothing he did to deserve any kind of criticism. Tell him how grateful you are to be with him, that you don't even know how you deserve him and that he is an angel send from heaven. Come on tell him. Keep on running in that circle just to keep his fragile ego intact. Go ahead and take yourself and your needs back, as always. “  
“Why is it so important to you that he knows those things about me?” Jude gave back.  
“Because I know how much they have affected you.” Her voice sounded weaker than usual. “I knew those things after five months of knowing you even before we dated. It's important to me because I never want anybody to be able to hurt you like that again. I want him to know how fucking lucky he is to have you. I want him to know that should he ever hurt you in any way, I'm going to skin him alive and set him on fire afterwards.”  
She clawed her fingernails into the couch and hung her head to hide her face. But Jude saw the tear that was running down her cheek before she turned away. Stupid little girl. 

“Hey.” Jude said and turned his head trying to get her to look at him. When he got closer she pushed herself backwards, getting as far away from him as possible without standing up.  
“Kayla. Look at me. Kayla.” She rubbed a hand over her face taking a deep breath and tried to get her proud confident expression back.  
“Getting so emotional is unbelievably silly. Sorry. You know this usually doesn't happen to me.”  
“Kayla.” He repeated softly. “Thank you for caring so much about me. You have a very..... interesting way of showing it but I know that you just want the best for me. But can I tell you something?”  
She nodded her head and her big blue eyes were completely clear now.  
“What if I tell you that I'm willing to take that risk? Would that change your mind? 'Cause I am willing to take it. You were right that he should have cared more about those things and trying to excuse it leads nowhere. He is far away from perfect I know that and I don't support him thinking of himself as perfect in any way. But I love him. I have seen a version of him that probably nobody else has seen. I know you won't buy this but I think he does care about me.”

She didn't say anything.  
“And should he ever hurt me, I will make sure that he will be unable to get a job or a life in this country ever again okay?” He saw Kayla bit on her lower lip to hide her laugh and he grinned at her.  
“His ego is pretty fragile tho, you have to give me that!” She answered.  
Jude couldn't help but smile and push his fingers through his hair again. The tension was finally gone.  
“Okay fine. I'll take your word for it.” She got up and Jude noticed that her tone was still not very convincing. But she stretched her arms out as if she was tired and said “Come on. Now you really have to go. This was enough deep conversation shit. I think I can't get myself to be emotional for a month now.”  
Jude got up and took his jacket from the dresser in the hallway. Kayla was following him to the door.

"You can be a real bitch do you know that?" Jude said. He was getting really tired.  
"You say that like it is something I can't be proud of."  
"Do I still get a hug?” It sounded more mocking than it was embarrassed. He nodded and she curled her arms around his neck for a moment.  
“I love you Jude.” she whispered.  
“I know K. Stay safe okay.” He gave her a kiss on the forehead and walked outside towards his car. There was still the other 50% of this problem that he had to talk to.  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus it took me forever to update this and I'm really really sorry. I still hope you enjoy it.

He was a little hesitant to actually going home. Jude was standing in front of his apartment and he looked down on the keys in his hand. He couldn't see any lights on but he saw Zero's car so he was clearly there. Jude took that as a good sign because if Zero really had a problem with him he would have been at his own apartment or at the gym dependent on how frustrated he was at that time. From Jude's perspective this whole thing was a mixture of misunderstanding and two big egos clashing together. One person intending to inflict trouble and the other one taking a second hand perspective way too serious. And it was messy. So god damn messy.

Kayla was clearly being a bitch about this, maybe just for the sake of trouble or maybe to rattle Jude and force him to prove how much he really believed in his relationship. On the other side Zero, intentionally or not, let her words get to him and questioned to whatever extend their relationship so now Jude would have to clear things up with him too. They were better than this. At least that's what Jude thought on his way home. He and Zero where way better than this, they were too strong and meant too much to each other to let this little story get to them.

With a sigh and on the fence as if he was going to enter a war zone Jude opened the door and turned the lights on. The living room was empty and looked exactly like he left it a few hours ago. Jude got out of his shoes and jacket and ran his hand through his hair. He turned around and walked towards the hallway where he saw that lights were turned on inside the bedroom.  
Zero sat there, back leaned against the small bank in front of Jude's bed and looked up as Jude walked in. He didn't look all that good. Surprisingly he looked more upset than Jude had ever seen. Without a word Jude sat down opposite of him and leaned himself against the wall.   
“Are you okay?” Jude asked carefully. Zero just nodded.  
“I talked to her. I'm gonna tell you now that she is sorry but I think we all know that she really isn't. She was completely out of line. She doesn't know you and she doesn't know us so whatever judgment she makes about it is based on nothing valid.”

„I think she is a bitch. She is gorgeous, arrogant and a real bitch. Looks like you do have a type, don't you.” Zero said and he sounded really disgusted.  
“Yeah looks like it.” Jude muttered. He never really thought about that. Did he have a type? From his perspective he just liked to be around people who were entertaining. No, entertaining might be the wrong word for it but he liked those kind of people that had an opinion and didn't shy away from it no matter how hard others tried to condemn them for it. Someone that made him feel free.   
“Maybe I just can't stand her because she is not completely wrong in what she said about me...” Zero said quietly to his hands. But Jude picked up on the tone in his voice.  
“You want me to tell you that she is wrong don't you? You want me to say that she doesn't have a point or that she was just crazy and over the top?” Zero tilted his head back and looked up to him.  
“Yeah maybe.” he sighed. 

“She was wrong.” Jude answered “About most of it.” he added. He could see in Zero's eyes a little bit of relief so he continued. “Most of what she said was just her trying to be mean and playing you to get this exact reaction. Another part was just her being over protective of a friend.”  
“A friend.” Zero echoed with a sarcastic tone.  
“Yes. A friend.”  
“Oh come on Jude. Really? Are you really that naive? She is totally into you. That's the only reason why she is pulling of this whole theater for you. She wants you to hate me, she wants you to think of me as somebody that can't give you the future that you want. That woman does not see you as a friend.” Zero said and from he expression spoke frustration and anger. Not anger towards Jude but anger towards this woman that tried to crash into their lives and managed to throw some of his own fears right in his face.  
“I don't think you are right.” Jude responded very confused.  
“Of course you don't.” Zero's expression became softer and he had to smile a little at Jude's response. “You wouldn't realize that somebody was interested in you even when they'd sing a song about it. Hell, I had to basically yell at you to make you understand that I love you. Because you don't hold yourself up to the standard that you should. Maybe you should try to be more selfish from time to time.”

“No thank you.” Jude now broke their eye contact and hung his head. “I've been way too selfish with you already.” Zero didn't expect to hear that.  
“How exactly have you been selfish with me?”  
“Forcing you to come out was the most self centered thing ever.”  
“You didn't force me to come out.” Zero protested. “You told me what you wanted for your future, what you wanted for us. I was selfish by trying to keep you a secret and forcing you to just play along with it. Standing your ground wasn't selfish.”  
He knew that Jude would always come through for him. Since they started working together and became friends Zero saw just how much loyalty Jude really had. The last word he would describe his boyfriend with was “selfish” and sometimes he thought that that was one of Jude's problems. For way too long he had been the Yes-man for so many people, Oscar, Derek, the agency, Lionel and for Zero too.

“I didn't think about the consequences that it was about to have for you so....”  
“Who cares about that? It didn't have any bad consequences for me and you made me get my priorities straight. I made the right choice. But I got completely of topic here, my point was that Kayla has feelings for you and that is the only reason why she won't leave us alone.”   
Jude still wasn't looking at him. He looked down, slowly brushing his fingers over carpet, back and forth like he wasn't even thinking about it.  
“You are a terrible judge of character do you know that?” Zero said. He wasn't trying to attack Jude at all but Zero wanted him to understand what he saw. “You don't assume people to be horrible or have ulterior motives. No, have to see with your own eyes that they are dicks before you can believe it.”

Jude cleared his throat and gave back “Weird. I have spend like 30 minutes telling her that you aren't as awful as she makes you out to be and now you are trying to convince me that she is a monster.” He wasn't aggressive or mad, he just seemed very tired. “I'd like to keep my opinion of her the way it is and my opinion of you too. And even if she does have feelings for me that doesn't matter at all. To me she is nothing else than a friend.”  
“A friend that has seen you naked and a friend that you had sex with.” Zero mumbled.  
“If I had to hate everyone that you have slept with....that would take a lot of work.” Jude sat himself back up, leaned his head against the cold wall and looked at Zero. He felt like this entire conversation was not getting them anywhere new. He couldn't help that Zero got his feathers ruffled because of Kayla's comments and he couldn't make Kayla stop worrying about his future with Zero. 

“You said that she was wrong about most of it. What wasn't she wrong about?” Zero asked and he seemed to guard himself against an unpleasant answer. Jude studied his movement for a minute, the way that crossed his arms in front of his chest and clenched his jaw. Everything he always did when a situation was making him feel uncomfortable.   
“I've spend weeks trying to talk to you about your past. All the stuff about your foster parents, your sister, all the stuff that you just buried. I did that to prove to you that your not alone and that you don't have to hide who you are from me. Why did my past never interest you?” In his mind the question sounded less childish, Jude thought. He didn't even really know why it bothered him but it did. He watched his partners reaction. Zero narrowed his eyes and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck as if he was looking for the right words.  
“It's not that I wasn't interested in it.” Zero said very cautious. He tried to avoid looking directly in Jude's eyes so his attention remained on Jude's hand on the floor.

“No?” Jude asked.  
“No. I was interested in it especially because your father is such a prick and you grew up without ever really having that figure in your life so I always thought....I don't know what I thought just that you turned out to be a way better person than the circumstances would allow it.”   
“So it was just that I never brought it up and you didn't want to ask?”  
“No not really.” Zero sighed and looked even more desperate to find the answer he was looking for. “It was just.....between the two of us, for me, you are emotionally way more stable than me.” He picked up on Jude's surprised look but didn't want to wait for a response. If he didn't say it now he'd probably never say it. 

“I don't deal with the bad stuff that is coming at me. Not the way you do. I mostly just run away from it or try to put it way back inside my head to a place where I'll never find it again. You being around gives me the strength that I don't have.” He paused to take a deep breath and caught Jude's eyes. “I don't like to see you hurt. I love the Jude that I know. You never talked about your mother so I just assumed out of my own experience that it can't be anything good. Making you relive any of those things....I don't know if I could handle that.”  
And he meant that. When Zero thought back to how broken Jude was when he realized just how much of an asshole his father really was and disowned him, he could still feel how much that tore at his soul. He would always try to protect Jude from as much emotional pain as he possibly could because that's what Jude deserved. No more pain. No more abandonment.  
It was different from his own situation. Jude made him go back to his past because Zero was on the way to completely lose Gideon, to lose who he really was for the sake of fame. Being “Zero” was the easy way. Bringing Gideon back was the right way. 

As he was still caught up in his thoughts Zero realized that Jude got up. He was standing in front of him and offered his hands to Zero. Zero took them without hesitation and he let Jude pull him up. As if out of reflex Zero leaded forward and pulled Jude into a hug. He one arm around he neck and leaded his head down on his shoulder, grateful that Jude's response was to curl his on arms around Zero's waist to pull him closer.   
A year ago he would have never thought he would end up here. He wouldn't have thought that he could fall in love with someone so strongly or that he would actually find a place in a relationship that made him feel at home.   
They stood like this for a few minutes until Jude moved his head to lean their foreheads together.

“I'm sorry.” he said with a very hoarse voice.  
“There is nothing to be sorry about.” Zero answered.  
“We really are messed up, aren't we.”  
“Yeah.” Zero laughed. “But that's fine. Your crazy matches my crazy. I think we balance each other out pretty well. I throw a hissyfit and you'll call me out on it and you get over dramatic and i'll call you out on it.” Jude closed smiled and closed his eyes.  
“Do you trust me?” Zero added.  
“More than anybody else, stupid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% that if this will be the last chapter or not. Still have to think about that. Anyways thank you so much for reading it :)


End file.
